


(I want to be) Inside your darkest everything

by Wingschester7



Category: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson
Genre: Age Difference, Canon Divergent, Demisexual Characters, Demisexuality, Friends to Lovers, M/M, No historical accuracy, Period-Typical Homophobia, im not sorry, mostly jekylls pov but it will switch, this is essentially a trashfic version of the novella
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-05-31 01:36:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15109070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wingschester7/pseuds/Wingschester7
Summary: Driven by his feelings for his best friend, Henry Jekyll turns to science for help. But it all starts to go wrong...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I read the novella a few years back in high school and this idea has been in my head for while. (Please don't judge my poor attempt at posh Victorian english - its not my native language anyway.)

He's just a boy of eight years when he meets Gabriel who is older than him by nearly ten years. He is sitting on a bench in the park frantically trying to copy and learn the words his governess had written when a ball comes and knocks over his chalk and slate.

One of the boys comes over asking for the ball and seeing him on the verge of tears, he crouches down next to him.

"Hey, I'm so sorry, kid."

The boy has freckles over his cheeks presumably from playing out in the summer sun all day. While Henry knew his own skin is pale - pale as a vampire the others at his school sometimes tease him.

The boy holds out a hand, "I'm Gabriel." His smile reaches his dark eyes and Henry forgets all about his homework in favor of wondering whether the boy's shaggy hair is as soft as it looks.

"Gabriel," he says slowly. "My name is Henry Jekyll."

The others are shouting for Gabriel and he throws the ball to them. "Carry on without me!"

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Jekyll." He grins at him.

Henry sniffs. "It will be _doctor_ Jekyll one day." He fidgets. "But you can call me Henry."

That grin stretches wider. "You want to become a doctor?"

He nods.

"I'm studying to be a lawyer. We would surely make an excellent pair."

"What's a lo-yea?" He asks and stares transfixed as Gabriel - Gabe reaches over to ruffle his hair.

"Let me explain - "  
~

It turns out they live minutes away from each other and soon enough Henry begins going to the park more and more till it's everyday and Gabriel is always there playing cricket or football with his friends. Sometimes he merely watches the game, sometimes the older boy takes time to explain the rules and as the months pass, he learns enough to sometimes join them. He never quite knows how to interact with his friends but he has Gabriel so he is happy.

He is a sickly child even though his family has no shortage of wealth and his parents spend a good amount of money on his well-being.

Often is the case, that if he is ill and doesn't turn up at the park for their daily meeting, the other boy would come calling on his door.

"You're ill again." Gabriel says, climbing right up next to him on his bed with a tin can clutched in his hands. Henry sniffles and coughs as he croaks out an apology which the other boy waves away.

"Here, I brought you aunt Elspeth's chicken soup so you can get better very soon." Gabriel reassures him but when Henry reaches for the tin, he shakes his head. "No, not by yourself, it won't work." He gives him a smile like it's a secret.

And Henry finds himself being cradled in gentle arms as he is fed divine smelling soup spoon by careful spoon.  
~

It is the middle of spring, bright and sunny, on the day of his parents' funeral and Gabriel holds him tight all the way through the mass and burial.

It was a train accident and they didn't even find the body of his parents among the rubble. As the empty caskets are lowered in the ground and covered with dirt he can't help but think now there's one more thing that connects him and Gabriel to each other - they are both orphans.

He doesn't know any of the people there but they all come shake his hand, express their sympathy and eventually return home until it's just him, Gabriel, his aunt Elspeth and cousin Richard.

"I'll take him home," he hears Gabriel say to them.

And then it's the two of them, and Gabriel tucks his head beneath his chin when the first tears come. He cries and cries and Gabriel holds him closer and closer.

It's sunset when Gabriel finally coaxes him to his feet and takes him home.

He just sits there in his room on his bed, fully clothed, shoes on, tears still falling and now starting to get hiccups.

Gabriel stares from the doorway before rushing to kneel at his feet with a glass of water. "Henry, Henry, look at me." His voice is soft as it is urgent. "I'm here. _I'll always be here._ "

And Henry is swept with the strangest feeling, a heaviness in his heart and a flutter in his stomach, a feeling of bone-deep elation and soul-rending despair. Because the longer he gazes into those dark eyes, the more he starts to realize the terrible, terrible truth.

He is so near simply saying something, giving admission to his feelings, so near... but he knows he can't. Because he is only supposed to feel this way for a woman. Because Gabriel will inevitably put distance between them if he knew the truth. He'd happily suffer the heartache all alone as long as he has Gabriel by his side even as a friend.

Gabriel is pulling at his laces with deft fingers as he takes his shoes and socks off. Then those fingers are at his throat softly brushing the skin there as his takes his tie off.

"Where's your night gown?" He says gently and Henry points to his wardrobe.

"Will you stay?" Henry asks as Gabriel rummages in his wardrobe.

"Of course," the other boy says as he shuts the door and moves forward to take off his shirt. Henry doesn't know why he's simply standing there limply but he figures it's something to do with the brief, barely there touches with Gabriel's bare skin and the resulting goosebumps.

He finally gets rid of his trousers and slips the silk gown over his undershirt when Gabriel gestures him to the bed.

"I'll sleep on the sofa." He gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Right here."

And Henry grabs blindly at him. "No, please, Gabe - you can - you can sleep on the bed, next to me."

He knows he's taking advantage of the situation, he does. But his morals took a flying leap out of the window the moment he felt the other's touch - and now he must have this. Even if it means nothing to the other, if he can have this small scrap of the joy, he'll grovel on his knees for it.

Gabriel is looking at him with concern but finally says, "Alright, whatever you wish."

 _Whatever you wish._ Henry tries to ignore those words and turns away from him to climb under the covers.

He closes his eyes when he hears sounds of fabric rubbing together. If he sees Gabriel taking his clothes off while he is lying in bed a few feet away from him he will lose what's left of his sanity.

Gabriel climbs in next to him at last and Henry feels like he can breathe freely for the first time. He moves to lay his head in the crook of his neck, snuggling against Gabriel's warm body.

"Is this ok?" He asks with a small amount of trepidation.

In response, Gabriel simply pulls him impossible closer, flush against him and drapes his arm across his stomach. "Go to sleep, darling. I'll be here. I'll always be here."

The endearment makes a single tear leak from his closed eyes but he doesn't say anything.

He falls asleep to the other man's deep, rhythmic breaths which are as calming as ocean waves for him.

A month later, Henry leaves for Eton to study medicine like his parents had wanted for him. He knows he will be thinking of Gabriel on his eighteenth birthday in few weeks.  
~

He is a young man of twenty five when Henry finishes university and the first place he goes to is where Gabriel works - in the centre of busy London. The lawyer is well renowned now since asking directions to office is no hardship.

He hasn't seen the other boy - now a man - in seven years and he can't help but gape at him a whole minute, assessing every new wrinkle and line on that beloved face. His hair is still messy and unkempt but now it carries streaks of silver and ash.

His dark grey three piece suit is of the height of fashion these days and Gabriel makes the picture of a perfect gentleman. There are gold rimmed glasses around his neck now, he notes fondly.

"So your back from Eton!" Gabriel exclaims immediately recognizing him and Henry can't help grinning widely.

"Gabe! How have you been?" He all but leaps at the older man enveloping him in a crushing hug. 

Gabriel brings him impossibly closer and Henry finds himself near tears when he pulls back. "I though you would have forgotten me. I hear, you're a very popular and busy man nowadays."

Gabriel tilts up his chin and he can't help the wavering in his next breath for the other man is looking into his eyes with a steady gaze. Those eyes which haven't changed in the slightest since that very moment he first saw them in a park all those years ago.

"I would never forget you, Henry." He says quietly, but the sincerity in those words is ringing loudly in his ears. "So are you Dr Jekyll yet?"

"Indeed _mister_ Utterson." He punches his shoulder playfully. "You must call me doctor now, old man."

Gabriel gasps in horror. "Who are calling old man? I can still kick your butt in cricket!"

"Maybe so, mister. But they're more than a few gray hairs on your head so perhaps you should take it easy - doctor's orders an'all- "

Gabriel attacks him fairly shutting him up.  
~

Gabriel makes a point to come home early enough most days so he can spend the evening with his friend. He is overjoyed that nothing has changed between them. Their friendship is the same as even being apart for so many years. They had sent each other letters of course, but as they both got busier, him with work and Henry with his studies, their correspondence had subsequently petered out.

But now, as he sits opposite his friend with his third drink of the evening in his hand, he is merry and content and wishes everything could be just like this for the rest of his days.

He is extremely proud of the younger man who has opened a clinic off the west side of the Thames just outside city centre.

"Your parents would be proud of you, Henry." He says. "As you yourself should be."

Henry merely nods. "Perhaps."

He huffs. The younger man had never been one for compliments.

There is a brief silence. "You have quite changed over the years. You have your own office - a fancy one at that! And your have your shiny new suits and shoes and whatnot."

Gabriel laughs. "Well, as do you."

"You need glasses now, Gabe." He grins.

"Occasionally," He insists with mock indignation.

"Hmmm... your voice has become ever so slightly deeper, you have a stubble now - " he puts his drink down. "But your eyes - they are still same, dark, steel grey and as cheerful as when I first saw them."

Henry is gazing him in a somewhat peculiar manner and the lawyer can't help but think he's missing something important here... the way the other man eyes are boring into his own - it's familiar in manner and yet disconcerting in its intensity.

It's not the first time he has noticed Henry's unusually pale eyes but at that moment, he could swear they are like swirling pools of liquid silver in the firelight - have they been sitting this close the entire time?

Suddenly Henry looks away and Gabriel watches his fingers fumbling to grasp the wine glass from the table. He isn't sure how to break the ensuing silence but thankfully the other does it for him.

"So, Gabe," he ventures, "You have not mentioned any special lady friend? You're swiftly passing the opportune time for suitable marriage, my friend."

Gabriel is thankful for the change in conversation but he finds this particular subject distasteful. He scowls, "Not you too! I hear enough nagging from my aunt."

"But the point still stands, you are wasting valuable time. I don't understand what's the hold up? You're one of the most successful citizens of the society and of easy temperament - and not _completely_ ugly..."

"Hey - !"

"So, why no wedding bells in the distance?"

Gabriel sighs loudly. "I tried. Once, about two years ago. One of Lady Miller's friends expressed an interest and - we went on walks." He remembers Lady Janet vaguely, nothing significant. "It simply didn't work out. Lady Janet is lovely, comes from a very respectable family but it wasn't to be."

"What happened? If you're amenable to sating my curiosity?" Henry presses gently.

"She said I was married to my work. That we had nothing in common." He says bluntly, not particularly wanting to see Henry's reaction to his admission. "And - she claimed my smile was more of a grimace." He gives a weak chuckle.

There's no response forthcoming from his friend and Gabriel worriedly looks up.

And finds the doctor staring at him with the same eluding expression reminiscent of earlier. Gabriel has always considered Henry an open book but this evening the alcohol must be eroding away his mind for he's constantly being thrown off by his friend.

Henry clears his throat. "Well that's quite an absurd assertion! Your smile is with _certainty_ the most beautiful smile to grace the lord's green earth."

Gabriel inevitably smiles broadly at that.

"And you work hard, nothing wrong with that." Henry shrugs.

"What about you, Henry? You must be looking for a wife soon enough."

Henry shakes his head. "No, I don't believe I will. I'm quite blissful as a bachelor."

Gabriel tries to say something else but Henry is motioning him to be quiet as he pours them both more of the wine.  
~


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mention of attempt of non-con kissing (between Gabriel and OFC)

Lady Miller's parties are legendary in all of London and normally one would bend over backwards for privilege of an invitation.

Apparently Gabriel is a close acquaintance of hers and he's been invited this year. "Not just this time, she's been inviting me every year ever since I helped out her son with a case."

"So why the sudden change of heart this year?"

"She was - most insistent this time. I couldn't refuse." The older man says somewhat sheepishly. "She may have threatened to set loose some of her lady friends upon me if I do not accept - her _single_ lady friends."

Henry is amused. "And you believe this party will help avoid unwanted female attention?"

Gabriel closes his mouth in a mullish line. "Well, I have been given leave to bring a 'plus-one' so er - er, I was hoping that," he hesitates, " - that you would accompany me and safe guard me."

Henry doesn't know why he hesitates, hell - the lawyer could ask his heart carved out and he'd serve it to him personally on a silver platter.

He is, on the other hand, entitled to a suitable amount of complaining and grumbling, before of course he graciously accepts.

Gabriel thanks him fervently and Henry vaguely thinks of inevitable hours of watching various women batting their eyes at Gabriel, making obnoxiously flirty comments, and some bolder ones even trailing a finger down his arm here or there.  
~

Weeks later, he finds himself anxiously awaiting the lawyer's arrival while pacing in his parlour.

He has been pestering poor Poole all afternoon for advice on his attire. They both decided the only suitable thing he owned for the occasion was the fur-lined long overcoat, discarded at the far end of his closet.

Gabriel is at his door ushering him into the carriage and Henry is fairly dazzled by the another one of his suits. This one he hasn't seen before though - it's the deepest indigo blue he's ever seen adorned with pinstripes - the color a stark dichotomy against the man's pale skin. It adequately covers his ankles yet shows off the shoes which have been polished to a shine.

Henry appreciates that Gabriel doesn't try cover his greying hair unnaturally like most people are wont to do.

"You - you look stunning." He stammers out.

Gabriel blushes deeply.

"Ah, not as much as you, dear Henry."  
~

They arrive at the party well in time and Lady Miller greets them at the door.

Inside it's not so different than he expected - all sparkling drinks and crystal glasses and shining lights. He doesn't particularly care for the austere sounds from extravagant looking musicians their hostess undoubtedly spent a fortune on.

The Jekylls had never been one of partying and he certainly follows his parents' footsteps on that regard. He resorts to cautiously remain at his friend's side all evening for at least some reprieve from the crowd.

Unfortunately it doesn't quite work out that way. Within minutes, Gabriel has been swept away by people from his work and Henry is left to fend for himself.

He makes his way over to the food table, he's going need a drink if he's to make it through the evening.

Many come to engage him in small talk, some unsurprisingly mention his lack of ring on his finger, generously offering him either advice or their daughter's hand while he resists acting on his elaborate plans of escape.

"Dr Jekyll?" A man is calling his name. There's is a young lady by his side and Henry prays for strength . He doesn't think he has it in him to fend off any more marriage proposals this moment. "I read the paper you wrote for the science and engineering research committee a few months ago. Marvellous work!"

Henry is pleasantly surprised at that. "Thankyou. And you are - ?"

"Dr Wiltshire." He shakes his hand and gestures to his companion. "This is my sister, miss Emily who is also very much interested in your work."

"Indeed." Henry says. "I'm glad I could engage your attention."

"My brother is keen to involve me in modern sciences and allows me to learn as much I wish."

"In particular, the paper you wrote in reference to - " he inclines his head dropping his voice, " - the more alchemy area of science..."

Henry thins his lips. He had had high hopes for that particular project but it hadn't met with good reception at all. Not that he was particularly surprised, he was aware his work is well ahead of current time. But it had been disappointing nonetheless.

"The discussion on whether it is possible to separate the human entity into different aspects of their personalities?"

"The very one, Dr Jekyll."

He catches sight of Gabriel dancing with a woman in a conspicuous red dress. Their heads are bent rather close together -

Henry sighs. "Nothing came of it. I gave up on that area of research altogether."

"What a shame," Emily frowns. "I found the subject and your ideas quite promising."

"I share my sister's opinion, Dr Jekyll. Your thoughts on compartmentalising different emotions and selectively amplifying them to a higher degree was most intriguing."

"Well," Henry says, "It has been done before, of course, I simply suggested a more complex technique, a complete personification of a single aspect of the human nature. Physicians up till now have only managed to scratch the surface of the human mind - I want to be able to have control our thoughts and consequently our emotions and behaviour."

"And is it possible? Have you managed it?" Emily interjects excitedly.

"I'm afraid, I do not have the resources to carry on my work," he says regretfully. "Besides, my interest has somewhat waned, I prefer to devote my attention to my patients these days. No more side projects."

"Of course, Dr Jekyll. If you ever decide to return to the subject, you will me and my sister a most attentive audience."

They take their leave and Henry is left deep in thoughts about his abandoned project, one which he has not thought about in a long time.

The hours wear on, and he deftly avoids any more conversations or invitations to a dance. When he looks around for his friend, he is no where to be seen and he starts becoming worried after a while.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Gabriel appears right infront of him and he's holding his elbow in a rather tight grip. "Come, Henry, we're leaving." He is practically dragged outside.

"Er - excellent plan, but why does it seem like hellhounds are at your heels?" His friend's panicked expression is doing nothing to assuage his worry. Outside, the night is cool against their faces but Gabriel looks thunderous.

Henry tries several times to ask his companion for an explanation but Gabriel is hailing a carriage instead. The more Gabriel doesn't speak, the more perturbed he becomes.

"Should I leave you to your door first, Henry?" His friend asks when the carriage stops at his house.

"No." He says shortly. "You're coming with me." Gabriel doesn't argue.  
~

They make their way inside in his living room and he seats him down with a drink. Gabriel tries to wave it away but Henry insists. "You really look like you need it, Gabe."

He notices that the other's fingers are rather cold against his and brings him a blanket and gets a fire going.

He yearns to comfort his friend, to fight whatever evil haunting him but he knows not to push him in this state. "Will you stay here tonight? I'll have Poole prepare your room." He keeps his voice light.

Gabriel simply nods, placing his drink down to wrap the blanket around him tighter. "Looks like it might be a cold winter this one."

"Yes. Wouldn't hurt to bring in extra supplies of coal this year."

"Henry - " the other man calls his name and he can hear the conflict in his voice. "I - I was, that was Janet I was dancing with at the party. She's married now, apparently."

"The one you mentioned before..."

"Yes. I didn't want to, you see," he whispers. "I never had any interest in her. I shouldn't have began anything in the first place."

"Gabe - that was a long time ago, and you didn't do anything that warrants blame." He protests in a gentle voice.

"Yes, well - today, she was going on about how it's a tragedy that I'm still without a wife, and how it's unlikely that will change."

Henry is swept with anger when he sees his friend overcome with an embarrassed flush. "She's wrong! Gabe - you cannot listen to her vile words."

"Well, that's not all, far from the worst actually." He gives a weak chuckle. "She - she suggested bestowing a favor upon me, a discrete... arrangement of sorts. Between us."

It takes him a while to parse out the meaning.

"She suggested an _affair_?!" He says incredulously. "Why, that despicable, old hag! I'd see her disgraced before all of London for her unspeakable actions!"

"Henry, calm yourself, dear fellow. I do not give an iota of care towards her words. I'm perfectly content with my life as it is."

"I can slip a drug in her soup, don't laugh," He says indignantly, "I can have it done, nothing too bold, of course, but she'll be wretching her guts out for days."

"You and your potions, Henry." He gives a laugh and the doctor is glad to hear it's a genuine one.

"More drink?" He asks the other man and he declined.

"I was, er - I was so upset because we were alone in the hall outside and she, she said I haven't even had a kiss from a dame and then she tried to - " He trails off.

Henry presses a hand against his mouth in horror. "Gabe - please tell me, she didn't."

"No! Of course not, she didn't even touch me. It was a drunken, pathetic attempt at best," he assures him and Henry searches his eyes for the truth, only relaxing when he finds it. "I left immediately, then I saw you and nothing more exciting happened."

"I have changed my mind. That woman has an agonising, untimely death in her near future." He glares at the fire.

"Henry, I hope you're jesting. I overreacted - "

Henry turns the glare on him to shut him up. "For the record, kissing someone is not that special. You're not exactly missing out on a great endeavour."

Gabriel raises his eyebrows. "Oh? You speak from experience?"

"God, no." He retorts. "There's never been anyone... and now, it doesn't matter. I'm too occupied with work anyway."

"It's the same with me."

Henry doesn't know what possesses him in that moment. Maybe it's the knowledge that such an opportunistic moment is nary to repeat itself. Maybe it's sheer madness, but -

"We could try it, see what the fuss is all about ourselves." His keeps his voice nonchalant as possible even if it sounds tiny and tentative in the ensuing silence.

They are both just as stunned as each other, Henry is sure. He pointedly keeps his eyes to the fire hoping it would leap out and burn him on the spot because all the wishing in the world won't snatch his words back. He is damning himself thrice for letting his mouth run away with him. He had vowed to keep his feelings - wholly inappropriate and unwarranted feelings - from his friend for eternity and yet here he is...

"A-Alright, yes I'd like - that is, that would be interesting." He can hear the barely there hitch in his friend's voice and his acquiescence makes his fingers twitch with shock and he nearly drops his glass.

"Think of it as an experiment." He ventures, finding his voice. His mind has quite possibly taken leave of his body. He's like fish floundering out of the water.

"So, how should we do this?" Gabriel clears his throat.

Henry takes a huge gulp of wine before setting it down with shaking fingers which he curls into a tight fist. You made your bed, now lie in it, he thinks resolutely.

"I think I should, uh - " he stands before the man not knowing what to do while Gabriel looking at him with an unfathomable expression in those dark eyes.

"You know you're really quite lovely. It's a surprise you've managed to fend off the ladies this long..." the lawyer says unexpectedly and he looks fairly throw at his own words.

But Henry doesn't want to think of any other at this moment and following his instincts he steps closer to Gabriel and - simply - _climbs on his armchair._ There's ample space and his thighs are comfortable on either side of the other man's knees cradling them with his own.

"Is this ok?" Henry asks shyly.

"Yes - " his arms come around Henry's waist seemingly of their own accord and the doctor has to bite his lip to prevent a gasp. It's suddenly becoming all too real and he might faint if his heart beats any faster.

He reaches for Gabriel at the same time the other man reaches for him and all at once there are warm, dry lips against his own and his fingers are buried tightly in the other's hair. He nearly dies at the feeling of Gabriel's hands gripping his sides even tighter, pulling him closer.

He is astounded that it's not awkward at all, he knows just how to tilt his face at a perfect angle, steady his body against the other's, draw back ever so slightly for air before diving back in - as if they have been doing this for years and he is relying on age old memories to share this long established expression between just the two of them. The kiss is so simple, nothing embellishing about a mere press of lips against each other, he wished he had the gall to attempt more - and yet, it's perfect beyond his imaginings - and he has imagined a lot! It's thrilling, it's damning his very soul - it's over all too soon...

The room is spinning ever so slightly when he draws back and he has no idea how to extricate his limbs from the tangle they are in with the other's.

Gabriel is looking at him with a dazed expression, his eyes are unfocused, his lips reddened as if under assault and his hair has been quite thoroughly mauled by his fingers. While the other looks quite messy and completely disparate from his usual put together self, Henry himself feels violently wrecked, for he realises with dismay that once will never be enough. Worse still, no other will come even close to satisfying him, ever.

But he doesn't have time to dwell upon his misfortune and instead seeks to take advantage of his friend's absence of mind to uncurl the fingers still at his side and slide out of the chair.

Just in time too, because he can sense his body reacting to their intimacy and readying itself for - well - for more. And that would be a whole another situation Henry is unable to deal with.

"So," He speaks rather loudly into the hushed stillness in the room, " - that was - that was what it was. You see, nothing spectacular." _Great, he been reduced to babbling like a green lad._

"Henry - " The lawyer sounds as if waking from a deep sleep, and Henry cannot bear to be in his presence right now.

"I'm rather exhausted and er - that drink was not a good idea. I'll be retiring for night." He calls Poole to show him to his room.

Gabriel says his name to his swiftly retreating back but he ignores him proceeding to flee to refuge behind the doors of his bedroom. There are too many emotions wreaking havoc inside him and he clutches his head in despair.  
~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really really wanted to write the 'we've never been kissed before so lets practice' trope:)


	3. Chapter 3

Henry is determined to forget the whole incidence but nothing is proving enough to distract his thoughts from straying right back to that evening. It is somewhat bearable when he is at work, engaging in his patients' problems rather than his own, but at home... he hasn't been able to enter his living room in over a month.

Whenever Gabriel tentatively attempts to broach the topic he shrugs and changes the subject until eventually the older man seems to forget about it altogether, which brings him both relief and an ache to his heart.

Often when they are in conversation, he finds himself staring at the other's mouth and has to stop his mind from recalling the softness of those lips underneath his own. Or when they're sharing tea he has to stop himself from reaching out to wipe away a stray drop from the corner of his mouth. It's becoming more difficult to ignore the lurking temptation to close that last inch between them when they are huddled below an umbrella in the rain, when the other envelops his hand steadying his shaking fingers as he struggles to get the keys in the damned lock, when Gabriel is just there, whenever he needs him. Just there, yet so agonisingly out of reach.

But what he steadfastly denies himself during the day, returns to haunt his dreams with a vengeance. His sleep is overwhelmed with a ghost of Gabriel - who looks at him with undeniable heat in his eyes, pins him down with eager hands, whose touch he is free to return with abandon...  
~

He watches the swirl of the liquid within the glass with awe. The deep violet tendrils, as if of smoke, gradually disappearing into nothingness with passing seconds, dissipating into this colorless, innocuous looking thing.

He doesn't know if he dares give it a name, perhaps the greatest invention of mankind, confined in his lab, in his hands. Henry picks up the glass and sips at it delicately.

He knows he's at last found success when the fire burning in his veins doesn't fizz away after a few moments like it had done before. Eagerly, he takes huge gulps till only a few drops are left. 

Fire is burning in the tips of his fingers, his toes, behind his eyes, swallowing everything in its path. Blessedly destroying all his emotions, leaving him with nothing but... freedom.  
~

Gabriel Utterson has always thought himself a calm and rational man but when he finds himself turned away from Henry's door - without so much as half a decent explanation for the third time in as many weeks - he is beginning to lose his composure.

"The doctor will not be taking any visitors this evening," Poole repeats again, expression bland as ever, "He is working in his lab and forbidden any disturbance, sir."

Gabriel's fingers tighten on his cane. "What, even on such a fine Sunday evening?" He is determined to speak to Henry one way or another. It's blatant as day that his company is being avoided - and he refuses to consider why - but concern for Henry drives him forwards. "I need but a brief moment of your master's attention- " He says brusquely stepping past the butler.

He balks at his less than gentlemanly manner but suppresses any self-reproach, instead focusing on making his way towards Henry's laboratory. He vaguely remembers it being situated at the far end of house.

He bursts through the doors to find his friend surrounded by glass beakers and... deep blue flowers. 

His presence remains unnoticed and he is arrested on spot when he takes in the sight of Henry. His coat is bundled and shoved far down the marble table. The man is clad in a thin, white shirt splattered with what he assumes long faded chemical stains, it hangs loosely from his shoulders, untucked and rolled up to his elbows - revealing pale skin lines with blue veins flexing with the effort of grinding the blue flowers quite ruthlessly into the mortar. He can even catch a peek at edge of a collarbone cradled by a shadowy dip below that lovely throat...

Gabriel can feel a blush rising, because he has never seen the other dressed so informally, and he fumbles to avert his eyes to a safer sight. Abruptly he clears his throat.

"Henry?" He calls out.  
~

He jerks his head to look up at the sound.

"Oh! Gabe I didn't see you there!" His eyes widening when he sees the lawyer standing just a few feet away from him. He fights to swallow down a gasp, his heart is beating frantically all of sudden. 

Distractedly, he wonders how his visitor managed to get past the stoic butler. "What are you doing here?" His voice is shaky even to his own ears.

Gabriel stares at him with a slight frown and the silence goes on a touch too long making him uncomfortable. He shifts on his feet slightly.

"I wanted to see you." The other man says at last. "How are you faring these days?"

"Simply busy with work," he manages. 

"And - it seems you've been busy with a bit of a green thumb as well, eh?" He smiles but Henry notices that for the first time it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Eh - these are just - for a little experiment." He gestures to the potted plants scattered on almost every surface of the room. "I needed some... specific ingredients."

"Quite interesting, dare I ask you to elaborate?"

Henry fidgets nervously trying to dredge up a somewhat believable excuse. "Ah - it's nothing, nothing much. I'm just tinkering about the place, really."

"I see." The other man eyes the plants overflowing almost every inch of the room.

The lawyer walks forwards until he is right opposite him, leaning his elbows on the marble surface, wearing a worried expression and Henry can't help but feel slightly terrified by his friend, fearing what the other has to say.

"Henry, what is going on? You disappear on me for weeks without a word! I've been ill with worry for you," he says in a quiet voice. "It's - it's not because of what happened...?"

He frowns in bemusement.

"Between us..." Gabriel prompts.

"No! No, of course not!" Henry is horrified at the turn of conversation. Under no circumstances does he want to talk about - the disastrous results of his rash actions. He had thought Gabriel had likely forgotten about the whole ordeal already but it seems he's wrong.

"Then what can be the matter? You're different these days, distant, cold - this is so unlike you, Henry."

"It's nothing, Gabe. Your concern is appreciated but unnecessary." He hedges.

And then there is warm weight of Gabriel's fingers squeezing his own and he yanks his away hand away knocking over a nearby vial which shatters with a delicate clink against the marble. 

He mutters an apology, hastily trying to sweep the glass away with his bare hands and Gabriel cries in alarm.

"Henry, careful - !"

Too late though. Blood is blooming in small unfurling circles across his fingertips and palm, red mixing with blue stains on his hands.

"Henry, goodness! Here, let me," He has his handkerchief held out as he approaches him around the table.

"No, I'm fine." He says sharply halting the other's movements. 

"But - " 

"Gabe - please, just go."  The hurt expression that passes the older man's face sears his mind and has him ducking his head to get away from further guilt. "I - I'm not well right now, please leave me." 

"Alright- I'm sorry, just - just take care of yourself," he sounds lost as Henry keeps his gaze to the floor.

He hears receding footsteps and his friend is long gone when he gets himself together. There is a handkerchief left behind on the table. He slowly picks it up and numbly wraps the silk around his palm.  
~

The heavy rain of past few days has let up, the downpour giving way to a light drizzle and a dull morning. But the sky still sags with dark clouds warning the respite from the weather is only a brief one.

Henry's boots squelch in the wet mud as he comes to stop by his parents' grave. He seldom comes here - and never without Gabriel by his side.

He never prays since he doesn't really hold any belief in the teachings of the Church. But like always, he crouches down to trace the words carved into the stone with his fingers - repeats them in his mind.

_If tears could build a stairway  
And memories, a winding lane..._

Gabriel had picked the quote. He remembers his friend reading it to him, asking for his approval. He remembers saying it's beautiful, looking at his friend's neat, looped handwriting.

He doesn't know how long he stays there, but it has started raining again when he walks out through the cemetery gates. He passes Gabriel's house, stares at the steps leading to the front door.

_...I'd walk right up to heaven  
And bring you home again. ___

__Sighing, he tugs his collar closer against the rain and continues his way home.  
~_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That quote is actually from a beloved family members grave, may they rest in peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways, thats the backstory done! I want to skip to the angst now!


End file.
